Friday and Saturday

Betsy Whyte: Long ago, there lived a king and a queen. And this king and queen were gettin on in years, to middle life, and they'd never had any family. And it was a great disappointment to both of them. The king, he used to take goin away fir months and months, huntin. And the queen, she used tae wander aboot aa aroond the grounds o the castle, and up the river side an everything and she was a very unhappy woman.

So one day, she was walkin up this river side when she noticed a man fishin in the river. And she ran doon tae him an she says: "Oh my man, you can't fish here!" An she says: "If the guards get ye fishing here," she says, "they wull throw ye in the dungeon. This is private property."

"Oh, I'm sorry m'lady," he said "but I came here tae fish for you!" He says: "I came here to make you the happiest woman in all the country." Well, she thought she had got somebody that was a wee bit queer, ye see, so she humoured him. She says: "Alright, alright, but you go please quickly," she says "because if the guards come, there's nothing I can do."

He says: "Well, before I go, I've caught these fishes." He says: "I want ye to take them home and have them cooked," he says, "but don't let anybody eat them but yourself!" She says: "Yes, yes, but go!" She took the fish from him, and as she was sortin the fish, when she looked up, he was gone!

So she says: "Och, I'll take these fish home. They look bonnie like fish." Ye ken? Troot. Broon troot.

So she took the fish home and she gave them to the cook, and she said: "Now, these fish are for my supper." She said: "They're not for anybody else - just for me."
The cook says: "Alright." She says [to herself]: "She's getting a bit queer, bein on her own sae much."

But anyhow, the cook prepared the fish, and as she was cooking it, the savour o it was really so good! She said: "Mmm, smells good anywey!" So she would taste a wee bit, ye see? And when she tasted a wee bit, she couldnae stop! She tasted and tasted til she must've tasted away aboot two o this wee fishes! Then she took the rest through to the queen, who ate them.

Now, that very night, the queen produced a beautiful young son, aboot a quarter to twelve. And she was just sittin there admirin her son, when this cook come runnin through - and she had a baby son in her airms! She says:

"Look what's happend tae me! Look what I've got!"

The queen says: "Oh, that's nice!"

"Nice?" she says, "What's nice aboot it?" She says: "I'm no even married!" She says: "What am I gonna dae aboot that?" She says: "I dinna want a bairn!"

"Oh," the queen says, "well, if you dinnae want it, I certainly do! Whit aboot givin it tae me?"

She says: "Ye're welcome tae it!" She says: "How can I work," she says, "and look efter a bairn?" She says "There ye are."

"Well," the queen says, "one thing I would like ye tae do, though - I'll tell the king that I'd twin sons." Cause he was away on a hunting trip, ye see?

She says: "Ye can tell him what ye like!" she said."

Now, the cook's bairn wis born aboot a quarter past twelve on the Saturday mornin, and the queen's aboot a quarter to twelve. So they decided to call them 'Friday' and 'Saturday', this two boys. Now, when this king come home and seen this two bairns, he wis over the moon! And he had great bonfires lit and great celebrations, and spent the rest o his time wi this two boys, jist teachin them everythin that he possibly could - huntin, and fightin, and everything - to prepare them for the world, ye see? And to be king - one of them. And he was quite happy, and the queen really was the happiest woman in all the land, with this two bairns. But bairns will grow up, ye see? An they were both very fond o huntin too - their father had learned them huntin.

Fir the past week or so, they had always spotted this white hare on the hill when they'd been oot - but they could nivver catch it. Now, Friday [...] - he didna like tae be beaten, because every other animal that he'd went after, he'd caught it. And he said: "I'm goin on ma own." He says: "I'm gonna get up in the mornin, and I'm gonna get that hare!"

So he got up early the next day, and he's away. And sure enough, he hadnae gone two or three miles up this moors when this hare started up in front o him. And he says: "I'm not goin back til I get ye!" And he chased it, and he chased it, and he chased it, and he kept on chasin it! But he could nivver get this hare - it was just that wee bit in front, and he couldn't get it. But suddenly, a dark mist came doon, and bi this time he was right up almost in the hills. And this cauld mist came doon, and he thought: "Oh, my horse is gonna stummle on these rocks, and maybe I could even go ower a precipice!" So he slid aff the horse and came doon. He says: "I'm doin well now. It's quite dark!"

So he looked aa roon aboot him in the dark, and suddenly he's found a wee peep o a light in the distance. He says: "Ah! That's no sae bad. I'll get shelter anywey, an maybe a bite to eat." So he took his horse bi the head, and he walked towards this light. And this wis a wee hoose sittin [...] right away up among the hills, and the door was a wee bit open. And he banged on the door, but there wis no answer. And he banged again - still nae answer! "Ach," he says, "I'm goin in." So he threw the door open and in he went.

And there was a great big fire burnin - it was quite cosy. And in these days, a lot o folk uised tae keep animals inside hooses, ye ken? You could see hens an ducks runnin oot an in through the kitchen. And through the door, ye'd maybe have the stable - jist open the door - a stable and a byre. And inside this hoose there was a 'crae' - that's a sty. And there wis two o these animals that goes: [snorting sound] - one at each side o the fire. I'm no sayin the real name, because I think it's an unlucky name - for me it is anyway.

And he's looked at these animals, an he looked aa aroon aboot the hoose. An he wis just standin wi his back tae the fire, heatin himsel, when he heard somebody at the door, sayin: "Ooooh, let me in! It's caald - let me in!" [aside about Betsy's chest infection]

He says: "Come on in, whaever ye are!"

"I cannae come - I jist cannae come in - wi yer lang-neckit beasts, an yer sharp-teeth beasts, an yer crookit-bill beasts!"

He says: "Come on in - the beasts'll no touch ye!"

"No, no, no, I'm no comin in - I'm feart!"

An he says: "Well, whit am I gonnae dae wi the beasts?"

And she said: "Tie them up! Tie them up!"

He says: "I've nothin tae tie them wi."

An she said: "Here's a hair off my head - it'll tie the toughest gale that ever blew on Yarrow!" And this hair startit tae come in this open bit o the door, ye see - this big long hair."

So he pulls in the hair, and he ties up his horse, he tied up his hounds, an he tied his hawk. An he shoved them ben in this stable. He says: "They're all oot o the way now, they're all tied up. Ye can come in."

An in she come. This wis an aald witch, an her nose wis passin her chin - they were passin each other. An her two eye teeth [canines] were comin right doon an makin a girdle tae her, an lacin her boots. An he says: "Man, God!" He says: "Ye're no a bonnie buddy!" "Ye're no a very bonnie buddy yersel!" she says, "And what's bonnieness got tae dae wi't onywey?" He says: "Nivver mind. Have you got anything tae eat in the hoose?" he says, "I'm starvin. Been on the road since mornin." "There's nothing in this hoose tae eat," she says, "not a thing".

But he went an pulled open aa the cupboards an places an looked - an she wis right enough - there wis nothing! "Well," he says, "dae ye mind if I kill one o they animals ye've got there?" He says: "I'll pey ye fir it later." He says: "I've got money at hame." "Ye can dae what ye like," she says, "I'm no worried."

So he took one o these animals, and he killed it, an he started tae clean the insides o't, ye ken? An she wis pullin at his airm: "Gie me a bit" she says, "I'm hungry an aa!". "Oh", he says, "There!", an he throwed the entrails an everthing tae her, an she picked them up an rammled them through the ashes an throwed them in her mooth! An he wis jist cuttin the trotters aff, ye ken, an the heid. An she's sayin: "Gie me anither bit!", an pullin an haalin at him. So he throwed her the trotters an the heid, an she did the same wi them - she rummled them in among the ashes first, an then [guzzling noise] doon her thrapple wi them! [tape cuts out]

[a fight ensues between Friday and the witch]

[Everyone was waiting] fir aboot two days an two nights fir Friday comin back - but there was no sign of him. An the aald king an queen were gettin really worried because they adored their two sons. An the aald king wis gettin a bit past goin away huntin bi this time, ye see. So Saturday says: "Look, I'll go - I think I've a good idea whaar he went," he says, "an I'll go an I'll get him." [...] "Oh," his mither was roarin: "he's maybe fell aff his horse, or he's maybe went ower a precipice, or anything...". He says, "Dinnae worry, Ma - I'll bring him back."

So Saturday jumps on his horse an he's away. Now, he hadnae gone aboot a mile an a half up the moor, when this white hare jumps up in front o him. He says: "Ay!" He says, "I'm near sure," he says "this is whaar my brither's went - efter you. So, "he says: "I'll jist go efter ye tae." So he kept chasin this hare, an chasin this hare, an chasin this hare, til this mist an darkness came doon on him as well, an he wis right away up among the rocks an the hills.

So he stopped an came off his horse as well, an he stood there lookin roond aboot him, an he spotted this wee peep o a licht at a distance. So he led his horse towards it, and the door wis lyin a wee bit open the same way as it had been before. And he banged on the door, but no answer. And he went in as well. Now this two grumphies [pigs] were back in the craes, ken, beside o the fire - the big fire burnin.

An this knock came tae the door - an this voice - the same as whit had happened tae his brither: "It's caaaald - let me in, let me in - I'm caaaald!". An he said: "Well, come in!" But she wouldnae come in until he promised tae tie up the animals wi this hair. So she pushed the hair through the door, but as he wis pullin it in, he wis burnin it in the fire. He kept pullin it in and burnin it, and pullin it in an burnin it. Then he put the animals ben intae the stable, an he said: "Ye can come in now."

An in she come - this same aald witch! And he asked her if there wis anything tae eat, she said: "No." So he decided tae kill the grumphies tae. An the same thing happened - she wis aye pullin at him an askin a bit an askin a bit. But when it came tae the last bit, a fight started up again.

But this time, when they were both gettin exhausted, Saturday shouted: [confusion] "Horse, horse, can ye help me!" And the horse came, an it started prancin on her. "Hounds, hounds, can ye help me!" And the hounds came, an they started worryin her. "Hawks, hawks, can ye help me!" An the hawks came, an started pickin eyes oot her. An between the animals an him, they managed tae kill her.

Then Saturday lifted this black rod o enchantment, an he started tae go roond the hoose wi't, ye see. An almost everything that he touched wis a person - there wis even animals an all kinds of things that she had enchanted. And on the mantlepiece there wis two wally dugs. Ye ken whit wally dugs are? Dae ye? They're dogs that uised tae be affae popular lang ago - china dogs near everybody had sittin on their mantlepieces. An when he touched them, up sprung the two most beautiful princesses that you ever saw!

And finally, he came to this stone, an up sprang his brother. So ye can guess what happened efter that! They baith went hame wi a beautiful princess, got married, an lived happily ever afterwards.

That's 'Friday and Saturday'.